Things of a vampy nature

So, the local drama society is putting on Oscar Wilde's An Ideal Husband, and we've been rehearsing away. I was talking to a friend who knows the play:

FRIEND
So who are you playing?

ME
Mrs Cheveley.

FRIEND
(surprised)
Isn't she the glamorous vamp?

ME
(sigh)
Yeah.

FRIEND
(pause)
I've seen you glamorous...

ME
Yeah.

A longer pause follows. The word 'vamp' hangs in the air, unspoken. Tumbleweed blows through. It's getting a bit awkward.

FRIEND
(super supportive)
And one acts in order to take on different characteristics...

The notion of me as a vamp is a tad... laughable, risible, ludicrous; I could sit with a thesaurus and poke fun at it all the live-long day.

Of course, everyone's being supportive: my sister even bought some red lipstick, in a shade probably called Vampy Whore's Delight. So that's taken care of, at least.

Anyhoo, in other news, Martha Stewart has spent the last month devoting her lifestyle marketing empire to all things Halloweeney: she's explained how to carve a thousand types of pumpkins, make fake cobwebs from - I dunno - gage jam or something. But there was one suggestion that was pretty cute:



Now, I'd need a whole fleet of ghosts on my plate, but how dinky are they!